She's a Fleeting Fox

Maybe it really is all my fault, that I am the way I am. We're watching this movie "Cybil" in Psychology class right now. It's a girl who has about 16 different personalities and was abused as a child. I dunno, but some of the scenes in the movie reminded me of my childhood. I really do believe my dad has bi-polar disorder. The mother in the movie abused Cybil, but then did something sweet right after. An example would be: she beat the shit out of Cybil, but then gave her a candy cane. That often happened in my household. My dad was very abusive towards me when I was a kid. It stopped once I turned about 13. After that, the verbal abuse just piled up.


My mother says that he does that because he's angry and he had a horrible childhood. What about treating your children differently than your parents treated you? Did that just fly out the door. I guess so, in my family. Anyway, it's sorta hard to watch this movie at times. I don't want to see it because I'm scared that person could have been me. I could have been completely insane like Cybil. But I'm not.



I hang on to my past a lot more than I probably should. Most of the memories are wiped out of my brain, or they're just hidden underneath blankets of lies and denial. Either way, I just want to go home. I'm not making any sense...but whatever. I don't feel like thinking. This is just a ramble, mostly.