I've been crying for stupid reasons today. And I don't like that at all. At first, I was crying because in two days, if Vincent and I were still together, it would have been eight months. Eight months? When did that pass me by? I mean, I know we broke up right after we dated for 6 months, but 8? Wow. So I cried. Because even after two months, nothing much has changed. I mean, things have gotten better..but he still doesn't love me. Or he doesn't say he does.
Second, he got accepted to the college he wants to go to--University of California at Irvine. It's not far from where he lives, but he'll be living on campus and having fun, meeting people. It's not like I won't be at Peace, but I'm surrounded by girls 24/7 there. He'll meet girls. Date girls. Love girls.
In no way, shape or form am I not excited to go to Peace. I want to be there so bad. I love everything about it. But I wish Vincent would move here. Does that sound selfish? It must. I want to pull him from California and drag him cross the country to a state he's never visited, knows nothing about, knows nobody except myself and expect him to love it to pieces and be with me forever. That really does sound selfish. But, in my own little perfect world, it's what I want. In his perfect world, I guess he just sees himself helping people, being a doctor or surgeon or whatever. And good for him, that's wonderful.
I hold back all of my reservations about him going to college there because I know I can't force him to be with me and I can't just command him to move here. I'm scared that if I even told him I was upset, he'd become distant. And I still need him closer than he even knows. Well, maybe he does know. But I won't tell him in all honesty how much I really do need him.
Second, he got accepted to the college he wants to go to--University of California at Irvine. It's not far from where he lives, but he'll be living on campus and having fun, meeting people. It's not like I won't be at Peace, but I'm surrounded by girls 24/7 there. He'll meet girls. Date girls. Love girls.
In no way, shape or form am I not excited to go to Peace. I want to be there so bad. I love everything about it. But I wish Vincent would move here. Does that sound selfish? It must. I want to pull him from California and drag him cross the country to a state he's never visited, knows nothing about, knows nobody except myself and expect him to love it to pieces and be with me forever. That really does sound selfish. But, in my own little perfect world, it's what I want. In his perfect world, I guess he just sees himself helping people, being a doctor or surgeon or whatever. And good for him, that's wonderful.
I hold back all of my reservations about him going to college there because I know I can't force him to be with me and I can't just command him to move here. I'm scared that if I even told him I was upset, he'd become distant. And I still need him closer than he even knows. Well, maybe he does know. But I won't tell him in all honesty how much I really do need him.
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