I love you and I believe you love me too, but some days I don't think you're attracted to me or you don't want to do the sexual, love things that we do. I don't know. Maybe I'm too focused on that, but that's what I'm used to. I'm used to guys only wanting that. And when you don't it scares me. You call me your baby and we make those kisses noises over Skype. But it's the sexual part that frustrates me. Last night, while we were doing whatever...it sounded like you were typing on the computer. You do realize I can hear everything that happens, right? Last night I heard an airplane flying over your house. I can hear your dog barking from the other side of the house. And, when we're supposed to be doing what we do, you're typing. You said you weren't, but it sounds like you were.
I don't know what happened. Ever since we stopped talking on the phone, it's like you don't want to at all. It makes me want to cry and I did a little last night while talking. I don't know why I cry either. I just wish you would tell me what's going on. You don't want to be my boyfriend, but you say you love me. I don't want to give you an ultimatum, but I don't know what else to say. It's killing me. I hate to admit it, but it is.
See how much happens in 2 days? 2 days ago I was fine. Today, I'm a wreck. Maybe because today's a..hmm..not a bad day, but a day that sticks out in my mind. If I was still with Stephen it would've been 2 years for me and him. I remember the first day we started dating perfectly. I had Spanish first block and I was so excited to tell Jennifer that I had a new boyfriend. He called me while I was walking to English and I got butterflies when I heard the voicemail. I couldn't wait to get home to talk to him. And, that's really all I remember. Everything else was overshadowed by the fact that we argued a lot and then it just ended. It ended and it was all my fault and..that's done with. I have moved on, but I still like to think about that. It's a part of who I am and he had a huge effect on who I am. He changed everything.
Vincent changed everything for the better. And I love him more than anyone I ever have. I don't want that to end. I'm just scared that I don't make him feel the same way anymore. He tells me that he doesn't want to do what we do because he doesn't want me to believe that's all he wants. But I want it to be something he wants! I want him to want it because I want it too. I don't know what happened. I don't know if I'm overreacted or what. And I'm very, VERY scared to talk to him about it. I don't want to say anything. But how long can I go without saying a word? Knowing myself fairly well, not long.
I don't know what happened. Ever since we stopped talking on the phone, it's like you don't want to at all. It makes me want to cry and I did a little last night while talking. I don't know why I cry either. I just wish you would tell me what's going on. You don't want to be my boyfriend, but you say you love me. I don't want to give you an ultimatum, but I don't know what else to say. It's killing me. I hate to admit it, but it is.
See how much happens in 2 days? 2 days ago I was fine. Today, I'm a wreck. Maybe because today's a..hmm..not a bad day, but a day that sticks out in my mind. If I was still with Stephen it would've been 2 years for me and him. I remember the first day we started dating perfectly. I had Spanish first block and I was so excited to tell Jennifer that I had a new boyfriend. He called me while I was walking to English and I got butterflies when I heard the voicemail. I couldn't wait to get home to talk to him. And, that's really all I remember. Everything else was overshadowed by the fact that we argued a lot and then it just ended. It ended and it was all my fault and..that's done with. I have moved on, but I still like to think about that. It's a part of who I am and he had a huge effect on who I am. He changed everything.
Vincent changed everything for the better. And I love him more than anyone I ever have. I don't want that to end. I'm just scared that I don't make him feel the same way anymore. He tells me that he doesn't want to do what we do because he doesn't want me to believe that's all he wants. But I want it to be something he wants! I want him to want it because I want it too. I don't know what happened. I don't know if I'm overreacted or what. And I'm very, VERY scared to talk to him about it. I don't want to say anything. But how long can I go without saying a word? Knowing myself fairly well, not long.
2 comments:
uhhh-uhhh gurl. you betta tell him wats up!; ..or he'll never know.
It'll all come in time!
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