She's a Fleeting Fox

I feel like I'm slipping away. This blog...all the words and poetry that fill up the pages seems like it came from someone else, not me. I don't feel like me anymore. I don't know me. And as I am approaching into my 20's, life sucks. It really sucks.

I don't think I've ever felt more depressed and sad....maybe. I'm not sure. I can't remember me years ago, much. My life isn't exciting, and I don't do anything worth reliving. That's honestly how I feel and it is the worst thing I can ever believe. Who the fuck would want to live but not really live? I feel so stuck. I am stuck and I just don't know how to get out. 

I've gotten to the point where I think that even when I do become happy (if I ever do) that something bad will go wrong and it'll mess up everything.

Like the other day, I thought about my wedding. My one-day wedding. I can plan a perfect day, and then it'll rain. Or my dress will get ruined. Or the DJ never shows. Or I look ugly.

I really don't know.

I just wanna stop feeling so damn sad all the time.