She's a Fleeting Fox

I guess this is really the only blog that Vincent doesn't see..so posting freely about this would probably make my mind feel at ease.

I like someone, a lot. It's different though. It's on a different level. If I had never met Vincent, and I hadn't experienced a lot of the heartbreaks I've had in the past two years, the guy I am talking to now would probably make me feel over the moon excited and happy. It's not that he does...I just know better not to put everything into something so quickly, y'know? Being with Vincent made me learn that relationships need lots of tender care before things evolve. You can't grow a garden in a day. But this guy...he's really sweet. He's the first guy since Vincent that I can actually say I can see myself having real feelings for. Landon was an asshole, and I do not count him as a real love. I didn't love Landon. He used me. And I partly used him. That was terrible. Anyway...this guy, Mike, he's different. I dunno...I just get that weird feeling like I can see myself being happy. The only thing I really need to do is figure out a way to either gradually let go of Vincent..and move on with Mike...or I dunno.

I don't wanna stop talking to Vincent, ever..but part of me does. I want something real. I want a real relationship. I want to be loved. I want to be adored. I need to be with someone who's not only my best friend but someone I can tell everything to and love deeply. Vincent is my best friend...but he doesn't love me. And the love I have for him is different. It's not like before. Things have changed. He's changed. He left me. He left me. He left...me. 

I want someone to stay with me. Comfort me. Talk to me all the time. Treat me like I deserve to be treated. 

Mike said if things progress well he's gonna try and come see me when I'm back at school in August.
I told myself if the opportunity arose, I'd grab hold of it. Here I have someone who seems to genuinely want to make me happy.....and I'm happy I'm not discounting him. 

I'll always have Vincent in my life, and in my heart. But I need to move on. I need to.