Everything goes so bad for awhile, and then shit like tonight happens. I don't know. I feel like you want me, but you want to be alone. You want other company, but you still have the need to text me. Like my mom told me, "he can't have his cake and eat it to." It's so hard for me to not give in to you, but I can promise you if we do, by some fucking miracle, get back together, I'm not going to take things lightly. I'm not going to let you do that to me all over again.
You completely ruined everything. I honestly have no idea where your doubt or interest in someone else came from. I mean, I just recently gotten back from seeing you. Do you know how much that meant to me? To fly over 2,000 miles to see someone. I didn't care about seeing anything else in California, I just wanted to see you. I put you as number one. We had a great day. And about two weeks later, you just end everything with me. You become sad, distant, angry, and you won't talk to me. Then, you finally say you like some girl named Lauren. Who is this girl? I'm not even sure if the girl you like is named Lauren. Probably some other bitch. Mandy, or whoever the fuck.
I've given you chance after chance after chance after chance. I know you're not perfect, and I know you struggle. I'm always going to be there. But I don't want to be a month from now extremely happy with you again, only to find out another 5 months from now we're broken up again. How many times do you need to break up with me to realize that I do love you, you do need me, and you're just scared. We're so far apart, I know. But if I saw you once, I can see you again. The only thing that's stopping us from seeing each other is time and money. But we can overcome that. You need to know that.
About a half hour ago, I told you I was going to sleep. Sorry I lied, I just can't sleep at the moment. But I probably will. You sent me a voice message and it was so bizarre. You told me that you see my Tumblr and my new blog. And then you said "you do know that.....whatever, ha." Like I KNOW WHAT?! Please, tell me! I don't know anything.
What I do know is that I'm upset with you, I want to hit you, I want to cry on your shoulder, and I want to kiss you.
I know you're scared, and probably upset that you've hurt me like this. But everything happens for a reason.
We're just going to have to wait.
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