It's been two weeks since I've posted last. That isn't entirely my fault either, because I was in California for a week. It was...a very memorable and beautiful trip. Yeah, my dad pretty much ruined any fun that could've sparked, but I saw the love of my life and all was well.
I don't think there was anything more perfect than those hours I spent with Vincent. We met at the San Diego Zoo. I was nervous the night before, the morning of, and I went weak at the knees when I saw him from afar. I was at the zoo with my parents for about an hour before he got there with his cousins. I remember sitting by the monkeys with my parents, checking my phone to see if he was almost there. When he finally texted me "we just parked, I'll text you when I get my ticket" I started screaming. There was no turning back. I was there. Going to meet the guy I've dreamed about for over 11 months. My mom and I walked back to the front of the zoo, but not too close where I would be super close to him. We stayed by the flamingos and watched to see if we saw him come in. My mom spotted him first and when I saw him, he looked over at me...and then I stood there, weak knees, hiding behind my mom. "He's coming over here," I thought, "what's he going to think of me?" And when he finally came over..I said hi..and we had a very long hug. It was a hug that was long overdue. And then a kiss. A soft first kiss..that was just as sweet.
We walked hand in hand the rest of the day, laughing, talking, and whatnot. My brain didn't even realize most of what happened. My parents wanted to go on this bucket trolley thing that takes you from one side of the park to the other. But it's in the fucking air. And I'm scared of heights! But I went with Vincent and we sat next to each other and kissed...and made out. And stuff. It was a lot of fun! Ha! It was fucking hot. Oh! And before that, we saw the pandas. That was one of the main reasons I wanted to go to the zoo with Vincent. So we saw Gao Gao and the other panda. Gao Gao was the cutest thing ever. He kept struttin' his stuff and I just wanted to hug him.
After the zoo, we went back to the hotel where we just laid in bed, smiling and kissing each other. My parents were in their room, but they kept the door open (sad panda) but it didn't stop us. No, we didn't have sex. I didn't think we would. But we did other stuff. Okay, okay, that's really personal. But this is my blog, yeah? I dunno. I'm just happy he was so close to me. He always looked me in the eyes and he called me beautiful. I wanted to melt into a puddle right there. How did I get so lucky to have him? I mean, I know he loves me, and I know that he thinks I'm beautiful, but something in my brain told me that when he saw me that day he would laugh and say "you're an ugly, fat piece of shit." It really is true what the say; you can tell a girl she's beautiful and she'll believe you for a second, but tell her she's worthless, she'll believe it forever. It's a daily struggle trying to deal with the fact that I have someone who is incredible, who loves me and treats me like gold, yet I always think that I'm not good enough. Why? I don't know.
Other than that day, the trip as a whole was good. I really enjoyed California. Will it be my home one day? Maybe. Ya never know! But for now, I'll just enjoy North Carolina. By the end of August, I'll be living in Raleigh. I can't wait for that new adventure. Also! I made my first semester class schedule yesterday. It's an okay schedule. Most of the classes I want to take I can't because: A)They conflict with the other classes I REALLY want to take/need to take. B)They are not offered to freshmen.
Oh well! I will hopefully blog more later this week. I need a damn laptop already!
I don't think there was anything more perfect than those hours I spent with Vincent. We met at the San Diego Zoo. I was nervous the night before, the morning of, and I went weak at the knees when I saw him from afar. I was at the zoo with my parents for about an hour before he got there with his cousins. I remember sitting by the monkeys with my parents, checking my phone to see if he was almost there. When he finally texted me "we just parked, I'll text you when I get my ticket" I started screaming. There was no turning back. I was there. Going to meet the guy I've dreamed about for over 11 months. My mom and I walked back to the front of the zoo, but not too close where I would be super close to him. We stayed by the flamingos and watched to see if we saw him come in. My mom spotted him first and when I saw him, he looked over at me...and then I stood there, weak knees, hiding behind my mom. "He's coming over here," I thought, "what's he going to think of me?" And when he finally came over..I said hi..and we had a very long hug. It was a hug that was long overdue. And then a kiss. A soft first kiss..that was just as sweet.
We walked hand in hand the rest of the day, laughing, talking, and whatnot. My brain didn't even realize most of what happened. My parents wanted to go on this bucket trolley thing that takes you from one side of the park to the other. But it's in the fucking air. And I'm scared of heights! But I went with Vincent and we sat next to each other and kissed...and made out. And stuff. It was a lot of fun! Ha! It was fucking hot. Oh! And before that, we saw the pandas. That was one of the main reasons I wanted to go to the zoo with Vincent. So we saw Gao Gao and the other panda. Gao Gao was the cutest thing ever. He kept struttin' his stuff and I just wanted to hug him.
After the zoo, we went back to the hotel where we just laid in bed, smiling and kissing each other. My parents were in their room, but they kept the door open (sad panda) but it didn't stop us. No, we didn't have sex. I didn't think we would. But we did other stuff. Okay, okay, that's really personal. But this is my blog, yeah? I dunno. I'm just happy he was so close to me. He always looked me in the eyes and he called me beautiful. I wanted to melt into a puddle right there. How did I get so lucky to have him? I mean, I know he loves me, and I know that he thinks I'm beautiful, but something in my brain told me that when he saw me that day he would laugh and say "you're an ugly, fat piece of shit." It really is true what the say; you can tell a girl she's beautiful and she'll believe you for a second, but tell her she's worthless, she'll believe it forever. It's a daily struggle trying to deal with the fact that I have someone who is incredible, who loves me and treats me like gold, yet I always think that I'm not good enough. Why? I don't know.
Other than that day, the trip as a whole was good. I really enjoyed California. Will it be my home one day? Maybe. Ya never know! But for now, I'll just enjoy North Carolina. By the end of August, I'll be living in Raleigh. I can't wait for that new adventure. Also! I made my first semester class schedule yesterday. It's an okay schedule. Most of the classes I want to take I can't because: A)They conflict with the other classes I REALLY want to take/need to take. B)They are not offered to freshmen.
Oh well! I will hopefully blog more later this week. I need a damn laptop already!
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