Jan 25, 2011
I woke up and cried today. I don't know how many more days it's going to be like this, but it feels like a lot. My shoulders hurt bad and my face feels very soft. It's probably from the tears. Magic tears? I sort of feel like I have to erase everything now. All of these blogs, most of my Tumblr, everything I've ever said to anyone about Vincent. He took up a lot of my life and my writings.



What am I going to tell my parents? We were planning this whole trip to California and now they're going to think I don't want to go because he's not my boyfriend. I still want to go. I still have some time to make him see that I think he could love me again. That's what he said--he said that he didn't love me the same way. What did I do? He said it isn't my fault and I didn't do anything. What changed?








I told him last night I feel like dying. When your heart is figuratively ripped out of your chest and cut in two, you should feel like dying. I feel like I have no heart not. I feel like the best part of me was taken away.



I'd walk so far to for as long as I need to to tell him that I love him so much. I can't say it on the phone any more. I said it last night when we talked on the phone for the second time and he completely unacknowledged me.

I feel like I'm not going to get him back. I feel like everything, the only thing, I really, really want is going to drift farther and farther away from me. I promised I would never let him go and that I would be with him. And I know I'm only so young but am I the only one good at keeping promises?

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