Lets just get this straight, I'm not suicidal. I'm not. But I feel so fucking down this past week. I feel like I am losing friends, the few I have, and especially, my best friends. Holly has been so...annoying this week. And I probably should confront her about it, but I won't. Matt doesn't seem to want to hang out either. Which, is weird. And on top of all that bullshit, Vincent. Just Vincent.
He called me his "bro" last night. First of all, I am NOT your bro. I will never be that. I refuse to be called that. And when I called him out on it he was like "oh, you" in a joking kind of way. I wasn't joking! So, after we hung up--I cried. It was short. I would've cried on the phone but I'm tired of him seeing me as someone weak. I don't mean to be, my feelings are just very shaky right now. I really think I should go hang out with Brittany tomorrow. I do want to, but who knows. Tonight will probably be boring. Yesterday night, Matt said he wanted me to go to Chandlers. Actually, he asked if I was going. I'm not, but I probably should. No. I mean, I shouldn't...but I want to. But I won't.
Yeah, I'm a mess.
I feel so alone lately. I feel like I have absolutely nobody on my side. Times like this is when I miss Jacob the most. I haven't spoken to him since before Christmas. Yeah, it's been that long. He's been busy with college but I know classes end in, I believe, May, and I'll probably hear from him then. Even a simple e-mail would be nice. I guess he's really busy. Or he forgot about me. Forgettable me, yup. That's it.
I wanna cry now but I'm in school. And this sounds so damn emotional, and I feel like a 14 year old when I'm saying this, but it's true. I can't have emotions? Well I have more than I need.
He called me his "bro" last night. First of all, I am NOT your bro. I will never be that. I refuse to be called that. And when I called him out on it he was like "oh, you" in a joking kind of way. I wasn't joking! So, after we hung up--I cried. It was short. I would've cried on the phone but I'm tired of him seeing me as someone weak. I don't mean to be, my feelings are just very shaky right now. I really think I should go hang out with Brittany tomorrow. I do want to, but who knows. Tonight will probably be boring. Yesterday night, Matt said he wanted me to go to Chandlers. Actually, he asked if I was going. I'm not, but I probably should. No. I mean, I shouldn't...but I want to. But I won't.
Yeah, I'm a mess.
I feel so alone lately. I feel like I have absolutely nobody on my side. Times like this is when I miss Jacob the most. I haven't spoken to him since before Christmas. Yeah, it's been that long. He's been busy with college but I know classes end in, I believe, May, and I'll probably hear from him then. Even a simple e-mail would be nice. I guess he's really busy. Or he forgot about me. Forgettable me, yup. That's it.
I wanna cry now but I'm in school. And this sounds so damn emotional, and I feel like a 14 year old when I'm saying this, but it's true. I can't have emotions? Well I have more than I need.
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