Sep 23, 2010

Ranting and saying things that don't even matter

Maybe I'm just too picky.
Maybe I want more than I know I should have.
I feel love.
I hate love.
But it's something I cannot escape.
There are days where all I want is someone to talk to, love me, console me and put me on this pedestal where I am the absolute best according to whomever.
Leo qualities, no doubt.
Vincent.
Happiness.
These are words that coincide perfectly.
Jamie.
Depression.
These words, though desperately unattractive, call to me.
Well, maybe not Jamie, but what he represents.

Every sort of relationship I've been in represents something. With Stephen it was passion, attraction, lust then despair. With Logan it was bland and dull. With Jamie it was intense, yet light, hatred, depression, self-pity, and every other sad word you could think of. And with Vincent it's happy, beautiful, wonderful, lonely at times, but the best. He's the best. What we have is unbelievable.

Maybe it's true that you have to go through a bunch of bad relationships to get to the good one. And this is definitely the good one. It's the one I want.





I was thinking about Holly and Pedro last night and their relationship. They've been dating for over two years and are still happy. Sure, they have their problems at times. Every couple struggles here and there. But they always seem to fall back into place. And me, being very into astrology and horoscopes, I think this is because they're both Leos. Leos mate for life. Sure, the male lion (Leo) can mate with other people, but that's not likely for Pedro. Holly, though, isn't very Leo-like. But, that doesn't really matter.


I'm a Leo. Maybe, underneath my hard exterior, I do want a mate for life. I want to be with someone. I realize this more and more each day. I'm not saying that Vincent and I will get married to each other one day. I'm 17 and I have zero plans of striving for that, but even if we did...or came to the point in our lives where we knew this is what we wanted...I don't know, I shouldn't say anything, right? It doesn't matter. I want to be with Vincent. He makes me happy. He makes me feel whole.


I'm an idiot. Ignore my idiocy.

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